I play almost everyday, and have done since launch more or less, but for the last few months I seem to be getting people that just don't care anymore, I mean the game has always had that as I'm sure all games do but its things like MNKs without Fists of Fire up at all, NINs without wasp/viper, BLMs with 0 uptime on Enochain, ect, (not gonna get into healer dps, cuz this is /r/ffxiv) no CDs on tanks, the list goes on and on. 

The problem I have is that when I FFXIV Gil point it out I am somehow the bad guy, I try to be polite but people always decide I mean more then what I am typing and I just don't understand how that can be, for example i'll say something like 'Hey, can you start using (skill) please?' and even though I'm in a expert/lvl60 roulette i'll be called elitest or immature, or just outright ignored, for asking someone to play their chosen class at a level 60 skill level. Is their someway I can avoid this confusion?

INB4: join a LS/FC, play with them, I have already tried that, all the groups on Odin I want to join are not recruting, the ones that are just have the people I am having trouble with. Same thing with making my own, the people I want to join are in groups already.

This isn't really an excuse for them, but I've noticed that the further into a patch we get, the more likely you are to be running in DF with someone's alt job that they're just trying to level or gear up on the side. And a lot of these people either know very little about the alt job they're playing or have run the dungeon enough on their main job to just go in on cruise control. (Not necessarily well, of course.)

Some players play their main classes 10 times as much as any alt, and while they may be able to handle their main without even thinking about it, they just don't have the time invested to have built up thay muscle memory for skill use on the other jobs. The missing persistant buffs are the biggest tell. They swap to a job they've played and leveled to 60 two months ago and forget half the abilities exist.

Takes a lot longer for me ut the issues are usually also much smaller.

As an example, last night I hopped on MNK and would occasionally go "Shit, no. I wanted to Dragon Kick there, why did I Bootshine from the flank?". Also things like forgetting how many Unleashes I can do as DRK and nearly dropping Darkside.

What it isn't is things like not using BoTD (Dropping it sometimes, sure. I'm used to 3-step combos) or not doing any damage on WHM.

For what it's worth, OP, I absolutely do appreciate it if someone points out I dun goof'd by forgetting FoF, poisons, or whatever. Rarely anyone ever does, and I usually either notice halfway through the dungeon, or after we finish. Level sync removing buffs that you still have on the synced level is one of the most annoying things in this game.

I can't imagine GMs looking at that and thinking it's ban worthy. If so; shit man, I'm sorry.

Without knowing exactly what is said, I can only really say, understand how and why people might have exception with what you say.

Perhaps to them (people in general) really feel the hostility in how the game works. Let's look at this as a whole. There is a lot of clamour about difficulty. 

Just read any post anywhere and Final Fantasy XIV Gil you'll find one that is recent enough shouting for harder content. This post in itself can come across as a call against DF bads, you even edited your post to express how this is not the case. Even still that's how people read it. It's not you. Really it's not. It's like a self fullfilly prophecy. The negative connetation has snow balled and are now expected.

So when ever someone responds or in your case asks someone to check their abilities it is expected; "Oh he must be elitist, I'm just so sick and tired of this bullshit. I just want to play my game and not have to answer to others. Fuck this guy."

So what do we do? I say we, because this is a community problem. What do we do? I have no idea how to cool people down. The sentiment is quite pervasive. I guess my only advice is, don't get mad or upset when someone else is reacting to your request. Just let em be and understand that they probably just in the mentality of riot.